How to get people to like you (in an email)

👉 and in real life too, obvs.

I said last time that if people like you, it’s much more likely they’ll listen to your ideas. And you can be much more challenging with those ideas too.

It’s just human nature.

But how do you get people to like you in an email?

I can only talk to my own experience, of course. But here’s what I’ve learned as both a reader and writer about how emails can build relationships.

Firstly, there’s only so much you can or should do.

When I think about “getting someone to like me” it brings up images of Edward in “Not Dead Yet” covering up his obsession with video games and sci-fi so that his cool girlfriend wouldn’t think he was weird. Only to find out later she shared none of his important values either.

So probably the most important point is that when I talk about getting people to like you I don’t mean pretending to be someone you’re not to curry favour.

A much better strategy is to be open about who you are. Then the people who like the “real you” will stick around.

The secret to making that work is threefold:

• “Meet enough new people…” - ie get enough new subscribers. Because if you only ever meet a handful of people, the subset who really get you will be vanishingly small.

• “…of the right type…” - ie make sure what you’re using to attract them reflects the right people for you. For example, don’t use a “get rich quick” lead magnet if your newsletter is all about long-term strategies. It might attract a lot of people but they won’t be the right audience for you.

• “…and let them see who you are early”. Your “welcome sequence” of emails needs to deliver a lot of value fast - but it also needs bring people into your world and let them know what you’re like. The best way to do that is to illustrate your content with stories from your own experience. Maybe throw in the odd cultural reference to show the kind of things you like - like I did above.

But secondly, I’d advise trying to be the best version of you that you can be.

Most of us tend not to like people who are cruel, who complain and bitch about others, who show off, who punch down, who grumble.

Sure, there are exceptions. A lot of “look how rich I am, you can be like me if you just join my coaching program” folks have big followings on social media. As do plenty of “the world’s gone mad” complainers.

But are those really the sort of people you want in your audience?

Me neither.

Everyone loved my Dad.

I used to think it was because he was smart and funny.

But a few years before he died, at a New Years Eve party after he’d wobbled off to bed a few drinks the worse for wear, one of his neighbours, Gerry, came over to chat to me.

“Y’kna what Ian…”, Gerry said (because he was from Lynemouth).

“I’ve knaan yor Fatha for owwer 50 years and in aall that time A’hv nivvor heard him say a bad word aboot inyone”.

And when I thought about it, it was true.

Of course, he gently took the mickey out of people to their face. But I can’t recall a single time he said anything bad about them - either to them or behind their back.

I guess that made people feel safe with him.

You hear someone grumble and moan about others and subconsciously you do wonder what they say about you when you’re not there.

No one worried about that with my Dad.

That really touched me.

And since then I’ve always tried to live up to that.

Not always successfully. But almost always.

And I try not to whinge and complain.

With marketing it’s easy (and effective) to twist the knife in people’s problems. Or to play us vs them.

But I don’t think it’s good for the world. So if I’m being the best version of me, I don’t do it no matter if it would be the easiest way of getting people to buy.

Good people recognise - even if only subconsciously - other people trying to do and be good.

Being the best version of you in your emails will click with the best sort of subscribers for you.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll become that better version of you.

I hope that’s true for me.

- Ian