Are you "the average of the five people you spend the most time with"?

--> I think you're better than that

I’m sure you’ve heard that Jim Rohn quote many times: “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.

And I’m sure your personal experience will validate that your opportunities, ideas and expectations are very much influenced by the people around you.

But I’ve always had issues with the thoughts behind the quote. Maybe you have too?

I mean, it’s just so damn mercenary.

The whole premise - at least in the way it’s most often explained - is based around choosing the people you spend your time with (ie your friends) based on how much their presence will improve you.

And “improve” almost always means “make you richer”.

Who does that? Really?

What kind of person drops their friends and hooks up with other people instead just because they think it’s going to make them richer?

And how does it work in practice? If you switch friends to hang around with “better” people, won’t you bring down their average? Shouldn’t they then switch to hang around with “better” people than you?

But there’s no doubting that the people you hang around with absolutely do influence you. So how can we harness that in a better way?

Firstly, I’d suggest thinking wider than just people who are richer or more successful than you.

How about hanging around with people who are kinder? More thoughtful? Or more creative, analytical, wiser, funnier, healthier, harder working, more generous?

Think about the ways you’d like to become a better person, not just a richer, more successful person.

Secondly, think about giving back.

If you’re the average of the 5 people you hang around with the most, then being in someone else’s 5 means you can positively influence them too.

Maybe instead of just seeking out people to hang around with to help yourself you can hang around with people to help them?

Of course, you run the risk of being a bit condescending here. But you get what I mean.

Don’t just look for your own gain from this rule. Think about mutual benefit.

And here’s the good news.

Research into social influence (notably by Christakis and Fowler) has shown that you’re significantly influenced not just by the 5 people you spend the most time with, but by all your friends, their friends and the friends of their friends.

So you don’t have to ditch your lifelong buddy just because he’s not rich and famous.

- Ian

PS what does this have to do with writing great emails?

Not much.

Other than the idea that I don’t think you have to constrain yourself narrowly to your niche topic all the time. Going off-piste a bit is fine, and it’s what I’m doing here.

People signed up for a specific topic, so you need to give them plenty of that. But you can also share things that might help them outside that area too.